The LGBT Health & Development Program

Family Blog—Growing Up with Gay Parents


Posted on September 22nd, 2015 by IMPACT in Families Blog, Featured. No Comments

Written by Alejandra, IMPACT intern.

9.22.15_3kids

There are many people who believe that the best way to raise children is with a mother and a father. I’ve decided to write about my personal story about my upbringing and how it’s perfectly okay to raise children in a gay household.

My Brothers and I Are Born

When my two moms became a serious couple, they wanted to have children together and ended up with three. My older brother and I were born from my mom and my younger brother from my other mom. We all have the same dad, who is also gay and is still very active in our lives.

Growing up in a household with two moms seemed like any other family to me—parents rushing to drive us to our many activities including school, soccer practices and games, play dates, church, and girl and boy scouts. They would stay up late helping us with math homework and wake up early in the morning to make us breakfast and make sure we were ready for school. I loved being in my family, but it was a secret that I kept from many people until I went to college.

Silent about My Moms        

As I started middle school, I would hear very negative things about gay people and the “consequences” of not growing up in a straight household. I would see posts on social media of people saying that without a father, children will be more likely to do drugs and not go to college [1], and that gay couples only raise children so they can make them gay.

I would also notice that none of my friends at school had gay parents, and with all the negative things I would hear, I was afraid to tell other students that I had two moms. I would just say that I lived with my mom and would see my dad on the weekends. I didn’t know the other students’ views on same sex couples and didn’t want them to think of me any differently, so I never told them in fear that I would be judged.

Other Kids Like Me

Outside of school, I was friends with children who had lesbian parents, and that’s where I felt most comfortable. Because of many people’s views on gay couples at the time I was born, it was difficult for my parents and their gay friends to have children. For example, my other mom had a fertility doctor who refused to help her, because his principles didn’t agree with her lifestyle.

However, there was a lot of planning and excitement around having children, and the parents in my moms’ network all wanted their kids to have the best life and give them all the opportunities possible. In these families, I saw a sense of love and support, because the parents knew how hard it was to have the children.

The Change

When I started college, I decided to tell the truth about my parents. Luckily, other students were fascinated by my upbringing and wanted to know everything about it. But honestly, my upbringing was very similar to those with heterosexual parents, and that’s the message I want to give; it doesn’t matter who a child is raised by, as long as the adults are loving and give them guidance and a good environment to live in.

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References:

[1] Capretto, L. (n.d.). ‘Daddyless Daughters’: How Growing Up Without A Father Affects A Woman’s Standards And Choices (VIDEO). Retrieved August 20, 2015, from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/13/daddyless-daughters-standards-mistake-define_n_3587142.html





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